Alleluia!

To round off our series of blog posts on Sr. Isabel Maria’s First Profession, we’re sharing the reflection that Sister wrote for her Profession Mass booklet. It’s a lovely meditation on the meaning of her Baptismal name, Holly, and we hope you find it as meaningful as we did!

Alleluia!

Reflection by Sr. Isabel Maria of Jesus, My Eucharistic Spouse

Before I was born, my older sister Sofie, who thought that the name Holly came from “Holly-lujah,” was convinced that my name should be Holly.  My parents weren’t so sure about it, but as soon as they saw me, they thought, “she’s a Holly.”  So from the very beginning, when I was baptized, I was named after the “Alleluia” which rings eternally in heaven.  I was made to praise God.

Now that I am making religious vows, which are not a sacrament but a deepening and fulfillment of my baptismal consecration, I see even more clearly the astounding reality of who I am.  I have been chosen to be the bride of Christ now and for all eternity.  He didn’t want to wait for heaven; the Father wanted me as a gift for Jesus alone even here on earth.  Why did he choose me to be a contemplative nun? To have no other usefulness except to exist totally for him, and thus also for every person who exists in his eternal love? I have no explanation for his love.  All I know is that now, by being consecrated to him, my life one with his, I am even more his Alleluia ringing out for his glory. 

To all outward appearances this existence of joy seems incompatible with being a Passionist, a bride of the Crucified.  But this is precisely the source of my alleluia.  When I was a nurse, I discovered in every person a pain I could not tend to: pain deeper than physical or emotional suffering. It is the pain of living utterly alone, existing without God, not knowing him or being aware of his Presence.  But this place in their hearts was unreachable for me, and I felt so inadequate.  This was one of the ways God called me on to the Passionist vocation, by discovering that he alone can love and heal the wound for him our hearts all carry.  Our hearts hold no secrets from Jesus – he has been living our life long before we realized it.  And if we look again, deep into the depths of our heart, we find him there in the darkness, crucified.  Will we consent to stay with him, to experience our life with him, moment by moment?  Will we refuse the joy of his presence?  That is the call of a Passionist: to stay with Jesus, to say yes to his life, so that all may experience the joy of God which permeates and transforms even our suffering.  Jesus is my home, and I am his.  He has made me his Father’s House, a temple where his Eucharistic praise ever resounds as a reflection of the Father’s love.   In his crucified beatitude, deep in my heart, all are drawn into the Father’s joy.

“For the sake of the joy set before him, Christ endured the cross.”  I am his joy.   Alleluia!