Where was God in all this? Well, I was raised in a good Catholic home where we frequented the Sacraments and sometimes prayed the Rosary together several nights a week. Honestly, I was just going through the motions to keep peace until one night when this began to change: Ash Wednesday, 1990. I was a senior in high school and beginning to realize that the dating relationship I was in was not good for either of us. My parents had tried without success to end this relationship, begging even with tears but but he and I would always begin dating again. Anyway, my family and I went to Mass and purely by the grace of God I cried out to Jesus and asked Him to help me. That very evening when my boyfriend came over I broke off our relationship. It was one of the most difficult things I had ever done.  Yet it was a most liberating experience at the same time.  I was free!!!  Yet, little did I know how enslaved I was to my passions.

A Life in Christ
I began to get back into the party scene and all that goes with it. Plus some friends and I bought a ouija board and spent many hours playing this evil game. We did not really realize with whom we were in contact. It truly was the devil trying to steal us further away from Christ. At the same time, a friend of mine who was serving with The National Evangelization Teams (NET) began to write and share with me about God’s tender love and mercy. Also, he shared that God had a plan for my life. At first, I didn’t really listen. But when he returned home and continued to share with me about God and the Catholic Church my heart began to melt. By the time I started attending the University of Southern Indiana I was attending charismatic prayer meetings with him one night and a big party on campus the next. I wanted both worlds. But I soon began to be disillusioned about the whole party scene and began to feel some remorse for my sinful lifestyle. 

With this friend I visited the Franciscan University of Steubenville. What an eye-opening experience I had that weekend…a campus of young adults on fire with the love of Jesus Christ and His Church! I began to realize that I could break out of the bondage of my lifestyle. That it was possible to have a good time and honor God. I knew I had to make a choice between a self-centered life and a God-centered life and I sensed that the choice I made at this time would profoundly alter the rest of my life. About a month after this experience I went on a pilgrimage to EWTN and Caritas of Birmingham, AL. During this weekend I had one powerful experience after another of His love and mercy for me. I began to hunger for Him. This weekend solidified what had begun to happen at Steubenville. When I returned home I was ready to turn away from sin and embrace the life of the Church. This was not an easy choice and boy, did I need to make a really good confession! My wardrobe had to change, my music, speech, social life, everything! Soon I began to attend Mass during the week and pray the rosary voluntarily.

Needless to say, my conversion to a Christian lifestyle left my friends very bewildered. Once when I met one of my “good ‘ole friends” a couple years later he looked on me with such disgust, as if he could hardly refrain from spitting in my face! It was difficult at times and I spent many a lonely Friday and Saturday night at home in my room. Yet, at the same time I was grateful for the Lord’s mercy and for drawing me into a personal friendship with Him.

Since I have entered the monastery some of my friends from high school have made efforts to keep in touch, even attending the Mass of my Perpetual Profession of Vows. I pray that one day soon they will come to understand why, during college, I centered my life in Christ, and soon afterward, followed his call to the monastery. Because if they understand this that means they too will have come to KNOW Jesus and His radical-personal love for them!

But I am getting ahead of my story…What about becoming a Religious Sister? I had not thought about that since grade school! If it were not for His mercy and the prayers of my parents I would have lost this precious pearl and perhaps even the gift of eternal salvation. Although I was in a dating relationship I was also open to embracing the vocation of religious life. After being at Mass with the Poor Clare Nuns at EWTN, my childhood desire to be a Religious began to be re-enkindled.

I took two years off from college to serve with NET Ministries. What graced years and what a good preparation for monastic life! The NET staff encouraged us to be open to God’s call in our lives. I felt very drawn to both the vocation of marriage and to religious life. At this time we visited a Carmelite Monastery in North Dakota. I didn’t want to leave. Yet, I thought to myself:  “I could never live this life!” I thought it would be too hard for me. After NET I returned home and resumed my studies at USI. Although I received good grades my heart was not at peace. I just wanted to be with Jesus, to study Jesus, to be His companion, to help Him save souls. Yet, I desired to get married as well.

Siblings: Patty,Teresa, Jeff, Doug & Mitchell

After the live-in experience, my desire to return to the Passionist Monastery increased and I felt little or no inclination towards the other communities I contacted. Yet, I did not know if I would be able to embrace the silence and solitude of the cloister. I enjoyed meeting new people, traveling, eating out, visiting with family and friends, and so on. How could I give this up? But Sister told me, “Don’t worry about whether or not you can live the life, rather continue asking God if this is the vocation He has for you. If yes, the grace to live the life will not be wanting.”

So I began to prepare to enter the monastery and spent much time with my family and friends. So much so, that time I had allotted for prayer and spiritual reading began to diminish. My desire to enter the monastery began to suffer and my contact with the community diminished somewhat.  This was the perfect set-up for that last final  temptation!  I received a letter from a Catholic friend who revealed the fact that he was attracted to me!  He asked me to postpone my entrance into the monastery until we could get together.  I became very confused wondering what God’s will was for my life. In tears, I immediately drove down to the monastery to get some advice from Sister.  She explained that there is often one last temptation before one enters the monastery.  She reminded me that I had discerned the vocation of marriage for several years and it had borne no fruit.  She then advised me not to meet with the young man but to enter the monastery as planned.  If during this time of further discernment, it seemed God was not calling me to religious life, I would return home and could then contact him.  This brought much peace to my heart.  Two years later I made my first profession of vows and he sent a half dozen white roses!  The moral of the story:  Prayer and recollection should not slack off but deepen before one is about to enter the monastery.

So I sought to cling more to Jesus.  He was strengthening me to embrace a hidden life of pure faith.

Throughout the trials and joys I can say that since the day I entered this “School of Jesus Crucified” (a school of LOVE!) the peace I was searching for, the “peace of Christ that surpasses all understanding” has never left my soul. During my 30-day retreat in preparation for my Final Profession of vows my Mom wrote me a letter sharing a little secret with me: she told me that she had always prayed I would be a Religious Sister!  Wow, the power of a Mother’s prayer for her children.

After God and our Blessed Mother, I owe a debt of gratitude to my parents for the gift of my religious vocation. They taught us kids fidelity to God and family. They taught us the art of loving one another through deeds of sacrifice, obedience, work, stability and “togetherness”. They didn’t spoil us (at least according to American standards!) nor did they let us do things that would cause us harm morally and spiritually, although we sometimes did those things anyway, but not with their permission. They didn’t “cave in” to be “cool” parents.  Thanks Mom and Dad!  

Fr. John Corapi and Jeff

Seminarian brother Jeff